by Sally Matheny
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| How to Excavate a Deep Conversation |
Do you enjoy talking with your loved ones?
Some families never have conversations that scratch below the surface.
While some people open up and
their core beliefs easily flow out, others keep their spiritual thoughts in
the vault.
Many Christians become distressed
about their aging parents. Their love runs deep and
they don’t like seeing their parents suffer. Yet, many times, we realize it’s
the pain of not having had deeper conversations with them, and now time is
running short.
Or perhaps other family relationships are merely cordial
formalities. You long for something more but conversations seem awkward.
People who go forty, fifty, or sixty years not talking
about their relationship with Jesus Christ camouflage the entrance of beautiful
and precious relationships. It’s imperative you prune back whatever is stifling
these important talks so you can excavate the treasures.
Most likely, the root cause is fear.
Fear of:
Misunderstanding
Inexperience
Inadequate words
Judgment
Rejection
We must remind ourselves we serve a God who casts out
fear--who enables and empowers us to do difficult things.
If we long to have a deep and thriving relationship
with family members then we must dig deeper in our conversations. How do we
begin excavating after years of neglecting spiritual topics?
The talking
terrain may be plush with love, but difficult to dig beneath the surface. For
others, talking grounds may have hardened or been covered in Astroturf.
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| Some talking terrains are difficult to dig beneath the surface. |
Gather
Your Tools
Before you attempt to turn untilled soil, gather your
tools.
You’ll need a powerful machete of prayer. Ask God to
help you cut through any obstacles with which the enemy tries to entangle you.
Tote along a shovel strengthened with courage and
discernment. Ask God for opportunities to break into conversations of the soul.
Pray for strength for the task. Seek wisdom for word choice and timing.
Remember the tiny brush of gentleness. Once you
penetrate the surface, it’s essential you use tenderness as you dust away the
layers.
Start
Small
You can start small, but start somewhere. Begin with
snippets of blessings. During your next conversation, share a specific
experience of how God has blessed you that day. Mention God’s name and be sure
to give him the glory—not “luck”.
If necessary, begin by writing a letter, forwarding a
devotional, or treating them to a faith-based movie. Think of ways to soften
the soil for initiating a conversation.
Sweat
and Tears
As you sweat through difficult situations in your own
life, share how God is helping you through them. Confess your own inadequacies
in understanding it all but, tell why you still cling to Christ, trusting him
with all things.
Even through tears of sorrow, tell about the glimmers
of joy and hope you still see.
Persevere
Recall with your loved one memories of times when
exhaustion set in, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Reveal your struggles. But also share why you
persevered. What prize has God set before you that is worth enduring the trials
of this world?
Tell them how you see God working through the struggles
to strengthen you and prepare you for something better. Can you imagine your
life without God in control? Share that.
Discovering
the Treasure
Even though it seems the best route, it’s often difficult
to unearth the treasure of a deeper relationship with your relative, if you use
a bulldozer of sermons. While sermons have their place, they’re not conducive
for two-way interactions.
Intentional, thoughtful, and gentle conversations are
worth every effort.
Regardless of the results you receive, don’t give up. Fear not. Maintain or upgrade your tools. Trust God to continue working through you.
Deep conversations take time and work. However, the
more often you have them, the easier they become. And once you
experience the richness of a deeper relationship, you’ll strive to keep that
treasure flowing.
Who will you engage with a rich conversation today?
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| Engage in rich conversations |
