How to Deal with a Child’s Repeated Misbehavior

by Sally Matheny

Dealing with a Child's Misbehavior

(pixabay photo)

What do you do when your children keep repeating the same misbehavior? Whether it’s disrespect, dishonesty, or a despicable attitude, you’d think they’d get tired of listening to the same lecture about the error of their ways. Or the penalties, which increase in severity with each infraction, would finally produce the desired behavior.

Alas, any improvement seems temporary. So, how do we deal with a child’s repeated misbehavior?

Whether the child is six or sixteen, too often, parents hear, “But I didn’t understand” or “I didn’t hear you” or something similar.

Half the time we don’t believe that, but to close any loopholes, consider following through with a few of these steps.

The Basics

There are numerous resources available for parents on the basics of setting age-appropriate rules, discipline, rewards, and consequences. My favorite websites are Focus on the Family, Christian Parenting, and Lifeway. However, the link I provided is from TheSpruce.com. I liked the easy-to-understand article there.

I’ll only mention a few key points beyond what’s in that article, because I’m thinking if you clicked on this title, you’re already implementing those and need something more.

Remember:

Maintain eye contact when talking with your child. Make sure you have their undivided attention when discussing behavior expectations.

Explain in an age-appropriate manner why it’s important to have the desired behavior. Preferably this is not simply stating, “because I said so!”

Ask the child to repeat back to you what you’ve said.

Stay calm. Berating or ridiculing children is not the best answer. Be gracious. Remember all the times in the Bible when Jesus compassionately restored those who sinned?

Offer do-overs. Start the day with new mercies and a clean slate. It’s possible for children to experience grace as well as the consequences for sin. We all know that.

Sincerely listen to your child’s input on the matter. It’s only by listening and following up with questions that we can begin to understand the root of the problem.

Love in a Shoebox: Operation Christmas Child

by Sally Matheny

Love in a Shoebox (Photo courtesy of Samaritan's Purse)

 Since its beginning in 1993, Operation Christmas Child has delivered 146 million shoebox gifts to children in more than 180 countries and territories. Twelve million shoeboxes are needed to meet the goal for 2017. Who knew so many children would first experience the love of Jesus from a shoebox?

Our family has participated in this ministry of Samaritan’s Purse for several years. However, I recently learned some things that may be new to you as well.

Did you know other countries help pack shoeboxes? I thought only America packed shoeboxes, but caring folks from these countries pack shoeboxes for the ministry as well:

Germany, Japan, Australia, Canada, the U.K., Switzerland, Austria, Finland, Spain, and New Zealand

Every year, around 500,000 people around the world volunteer their time to collect, ship, and distribute the shoebox gifts. Talk about uniting for a great cause!

You may already know that Billy Graham’s son, Franklin, oversees Samaritan’s Purse, which is an international Christian relief and evangelism organization. The Operation Christmas Child shoebox ministry is a project of Samaritan’s Purse.

Whether you’ve packed a shoebox of gifts before or not, there are some changes this year. Increased customs regulations prevent the delivery of toothpaste, candy or food of any kind.

However, there are TONS of things you can send. You can find a complete list here. Small toys, craft supplies, clothes, picture books, personal hygiene items, and even small toolkits are welcome.

In most countries, children have the opportunity to hear the gospel message when they receive their shoeboxes.

If the country allows it, Samaritan’s Purse includes a booklet, The Greatest Gift, which shares the scripture and good news of Jesus Christ. Also, an optional follow-up discipleship program is offered to each child. Children learn from trained, local volunteers what it means to follow Jesus. Each student is given a copy of the New Testament and selected passages from the Old Testament. When they complete the program, they invite their family and friends to a special service where the gospel is shared again.

So many wonderful testimonies have blossomed from this ministry—from those who give and from those who receive the boxes. God is working miracles through these little shoeboxes. Lives are affected—from the volunteers to the people in the villages.

One of my favorite stories is about 101-year-old, Ms. Eve Bossenberger. She said she felt called to do one “small” thing for the shoeboxes. God took her small offering and multiplied it.

Ms. Bossenberger gets up before sunrise to sew cute, little smock dresses to go in the shoeboxes for girls. Samaritan’s Purse filmed a short clip of her story. The video has over 9 million views so far, and God is using it to touch a multitude of lives.

Humbled by the great response, the seamstress said,

“The Lord gave me hands with no arthritis. I’m doing what the Lord has asked me to do. . . I hope it brings a lot of people to the Lord.”

I have two, precious videos of sweet, Ms. Bossenberger that I wanted to include here. However, even though they are only a few minutes long, they were taking too long transferring to the blog. They loaded quickly to my facebook page if you'd like to view them there. I promise it's worth the hop over but before you go. . . 

3 Crucial Reasons to Attend Your Next Family Reunion

by Sally Matheny

Smushy Kisses at Family Reunions

Is there cringing, wincing, and gnashing of teeth at just the thought of a family reunion? 

Perhaps you had an agonizing experience as a child. A crinkled stranger planted smushy kisses on your cheek. Then, pulling you away from your mom, the stranger weaved you through a chattering sea of unfamiliar faces. Finally, she anchored you both in front of another foreign body and the torture began.

“This is your mother’s great aunt’s, second cousin, Bertha, who first married Joe Schmitt, who was a tire salesman, but then he died, and about ten years ago she married John Brown, who manufactures straight pins in Detroit and he just so happens to be your dad’s podiatrist's first cousin! How about that?”

Excruciating. 

But you’re an adult now and here are three crucial reasons why you need to attend your next family reunion.

Remember

When multiple generations gather, there will always be times of remembering moments from the past. Births, school days, weddings, funerals, and even the embarrassing incidents some wish others would forget. While certain memories mean more to some folks than others, this is your heritage. 

Even if you’re attending your spouse’s family reunion, you can learn a great deal. Maybe listening to your mother-in-law’s childhood memories will give you a better understanding of why his family celebrates Christmas the way they do. What annoyed you in the past, may be perceived differently now.

Too often, an unforgiving spirit
is a person's only legacy.

Pausing to reflect on the past brings joy, knowledge, and healing. Perhaps the reason many people resist a family reunion is due to a past hurt.   

Aunt Bertha said or did something she shouldn’t have five, ten, or fifty years ago and for whatever reason people chose to hold onto that strife rather than letting it go. 

Bitterness was chosen over forgiveness. Pain over joy. Too often, an unforgiving spirit is a person’s only legacy.

     
What healing might take place if you go to your next family reunion?

Record

If there’s emotional or physical healing in the family, record it! Everybody has a story. A family reunion is a wonderful time to record those stories. Make a scrapbook or journal. Better yet, make a video.

Are there any veterans willing to share their experiences? Those who survived a war may provide fresh perspectives to a younger generation.

Who survived an accident or a disease? A problem at work or their first day of high school? Survivors bring strength and hope to the family.

Ask the older ones to recall interesting tidbits about the family’s ancestry.

Even recording opinions on current events will be an interesting piece of history for the next generation.

Survivors bring strength and hope to the family.

Family reunions are never the same. The dynamics change. People come and go, jobs vary, and events alter our lives.

Most of the time we never submerge past the friendly greetings. Families need to go deeper conveying their life experiences. True stories inspire us and can encourage us to keep pressing onward. Everybody has a story that can affect others. You need to share your story.

Recount

If nothing else, family members need to recount God’s blessings to the next generation. How have you seen God working in your life and the lives of others?

Describe times when God answered your prayers, when he brought healing, and when your needs were met.

Share experiences where your faith was tested and God was glorified. Consider the value others could glean from lessons you learned through setbacks and poor decisions.

If you carve out time for your next family reunion and share the love of Christ, what are the possible eternal rewards? 

It is not within our power to fathom how God can use us. He is capable of making transformations we never thought possible.

 

…which he commanded our ancestors
    to teach their children,
 so the next generation would know them,
    even the children yet to be born,
    and they, in turn, would tell their children.
 Then they would put their trust in God
    and would not forget his deeds
    but would keep his commands.

Psalm 78:5b-7 (NIV)

Are We Teaching Our Children to Dishonor Their Fathers?

by Sally Matheny

Are we teaching our children to dishonor their fathers?

Honor.

One, simple word, yet highly esteemed.

Most Christians know the fifth commandment given by God.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”  Exodus 20:12

Perhaps we’ve heard it so often we have become complacent about it.

I wonder. Are we teaching our children to dishonor their father?

Let me say, I understand not all fathers exhibit behaviors that are excellent and praiseworthy. Dads make mistakes. Some make more than others do.

However, God did not say honor your parents if they are kind, popular, or (fill-in-the-blank). God said to honor them.

I specifically want to address moms today.

As Christians, we long for our children to grow closer in their relationship with God. We know this is the key for them to thrive on this earth with hope and joy.

We pray that they will long for, learn from, and lean on Jesus Christ. One way to teach our children how to revere the Creator of the universe is to teach them how to how to honor their earthly father.

The best way to educate is to live by example. There are three ways to model honor—with attitude, words, and deeds.

Honor Begins With Attitude

I could say honor begins in the heart but if love or respect is lacking in the relationship, then that may not be the case.

So, let’s say it begins in the mind. It is an attitude we choose because God calls us to do it. If children have a loving father, this may not be near as difficult as it will be for those who do not.

Still, even if blessed with a godly father, we are naturally bent towards disobedience and selfish ambition. We need help in shaping a mindset pleasing to God.

The Fears & Joys of Adoption (Part 2)

by Sally Matheny

Adoption
  (Pixabay Photo)

What's the adoption process like? I’d compare it to riding your first-ever roller coaster ride. While waiting in line, you see the process. Your desire to do it is beyond measure. But the excitement and eagerness mingles with an ever-increasing anxiety in the pit of your stomach. 

In honor of Adoption Awareness Month, I shared the first part of our adoption story in my last post.

Today, I'm sharing the rest of our adoption adventure. 

Just like waiting in line for a roller coaster, it helps to hear the excitement of others’ as they finish. However, ultimately, there’s no way to prepare fully for your first experience. When it’s time, you simply take a step forward, and away you go!

The First Call

Eighteen-months of waiting on a call from the adoption agency left me with ample time to wonder. Wondering how our lives would change with a new addition to the family. Wondering if we would measure up to birthparents’ expectations. Wondering if anyone would ever choose our family for their child.

The home study required for adoption is only valid for eighteen months. After our initial home study expired, we questioned if we were doing the right thing. The agency told us the eighteen months was the world’s timeline, not God’s. After much prayer, we felt at peace. We began the process of renewing the home study. 

Within three weeks, a call came from the adoption agency. A birthmother wanted to meet us! The baby’s due date was only a month away. And it was a boy!

What if we had given up and not renewed our home study? The adoption agency was right. It had been the world’s timeline—not God’s.

Our meeting with the birthmother was indescribably beautiful. At first, we were all nervous, but as we began to talk, an overwhelming peace and joy filled our hearts. We shared our story with the birthmother, what led us to adoption, and how God was working through it all.

The birthmother cried as she told us we were the answer to her prayers. Life had not turned out as she’d hoped. She had made unwise decisions but was working at getting back on track.

She said the baby’s father was also struggling. She spoke with love and compassion as she spoke about him. He never had a chance to witness what a good husband or father looked like.

Even though his life was tough as a kid, he “never chose to turn things around, to work, or show responsibility” as an adult. His choices in life continued to spiral downward until, for the safety of her and the baby, she finally had to leave.

She loved the baby but there was no way she could take care of him. More than anything, she said she wanted him to have a good daddy. He would not get that if she kept him. She wanted to protect her son from negative influences, from possible harm, and place him in a loving home. Her greatest fear was that the baby would grow up resenting her. Through my tears, I assured her that as he grew, he would hear how much she loved him.

My heart was totally unprepared for this part of the adoption journey. I had been praying in general for all birthmothers making tough decisions. Up until then, my perception of our child’s birthmother had been very abstract. Now, she had a face, a name, and a personality. Best of all, she had an enormous heart of love.

As we all sat in a circle, the adoption counselor asked my husband to close our meeting in prayer. I was sitting beside the birthmother. I asked if we could all hold hands. I desperately wanted to hold the hand of this precious woman. A woman who loved her son so much she would part with him in order to provide for him.

As my husband prayed aloud, I prayed additional, silent prayers for this woman. I prayed for God to protect her health, her mind, and her heart in the days ahead.

We hugged and cried some more before leaving. But the smiles on our faces showed the evidence of God’s presence.

There was still the challenge of getting the birthfather’s consent. With every passing week, I continually asked God to calm my nerves. There was nothing we could do but trust God with the outcome.

A Mama's Work is Never Done--Or is It?

by Sally Matheny

A Mother's Work is Never Done--Or is It?

Has your child ever called you an insulting name? One Saturday morning, after eliciting my eleven-year-old’s help with cleaning, he spewed the words, “You’re a Danny Tanner!” 

For those of you not familiar with the family television show, Full House, Danny Tanner is the parent obsessive with cleaning.

At first, I was insulted. I am not obsessed with cleaning. Danny Tanner uses a Dust Buster to clean his vacuum cleaner! He doesn’t allow anything out of its place. I vacuum once a week, and if we’re lucky, we may get the main pieces of furniture dusted. Also, I’m a stacker. I have little stacks of mail, magazines, and numerous slips of paper filled with writing ideas all throughout the house. Danny Tanner would go spastic in my house.

It only took a few minutes of comparing myself to Danny Tanner that I found the whole thing hilarious. I can overlook a messy house for almost five whole days before it begins to annoy me. And I prefer to do a multitude of other things instead of cleaning! But I feel responsible for maintaining a peaceful haven for my family. And let’s face it. An unorganized, messy home does not induce an atmosphere of serenity. Even my little name-caller will admit he likes the house better after all the work is done. I do, too. And so, for the next five to six days, we enjoy ourselves—before it’s time to clean again.

However, relaxing and having fun appear to come more easily for my husband and children. Seems like I have to be more thoughtful and intentional to stop doing whatever I think is "necessary" in order to join in the fun.

It’s a fact, a mother's work is never done. Truly. Never.

Nurturing Strong & Courageous Sons and Daughters

by Sally Matheny

Strong and Courageous
Photo by pixaby.com

Too often, we hear heartbreaking stories of youth, raised in Christian homes, choosing to walk away from the truth of Jesus Christ.

It’s frightening.

As Christian parents, we find it difficult to contemplate the possibility of our children living, and dying, without the hope, the peace, and the eternal joy that comes only through Christ.

What can parents do when the Enemy silently creeps into our children’s lives and captivates their attention with lies and deception? How can we help them?

Family’s Phenomenal Zip Line Adventure

by Sally Matheny

    

    

The Gorge Zip Line Canopy Tour

      Imagine viewing the beauty of 14,000 acres of protected forestland, at 30-35 miles per hour, while clutching two, small handlebars. 

     It’s not bike riding.

     It’s zip lining—the fastest and steepest zip line in America—and it is a phenomenal adventure for the family.

    

    
 The Gorge Zip Line Canopy Tour located in Saluda, North Carolina provides 1,100 vertical feet of zip line, 3 tree-mendous (easy and smooth) rappels, and one fun, swinging sky bridge.

     My husband, known for his fear of heights, zipped the Gorge several months earlier with his co-workers. He loved it so much he wanted to treat our son, two daughters, and son-in-law to a day of zip lining. He also thought it would be good for me.

     I spent the summer of 2014 learning physical therapy exercises for my feet, I’m thankful for the progress made, but zip lining still sounded like a stretch for me. My walking still compares to that of a chicken’s with a little less swag.

     Nonetheless, my husband had faith I could do it. Our girls were excited and eager for a fun challenge. However, our ten-year-old redhead and our sweet son-in-law were quiet, deep thinkers en route to the zip line.

     I don’t know if it was the unusually cool weather or our nerves that made our knees joggle as our guides cinched up our harnesses.

     The heights didn’t concern me. It’s knowing there would be no opportunity to go to the bathroom for four hours. No medical condition exists, it’s just knowing there will not be a bathroom that makes me think I have to go. After three trips, ensuring there was nothing left in the bladder, I was ready to zip.

    Harnessed in and triple-tethered with carabiners to a steel cable, one has to feel safe, because “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken,” right?

     Right. The guides said we could trust the zip line. Although the weight limit to zip was 250 pounds, they said the cords construction could hold thousands of pounds.

My Family's Phenomenal Zip Line Adventure

     Our kind and patient tour guides gave instructions. I understood what they were saying, but I wondered if I’d remember them when speeding across treetops faster than a hummingbird.

     The excitement escalated as we lined up at the first platform, which the guides called “The Fluffy Bunny.” Awww…who can be afraid of a fluffy bunny?

     

     Amazingly, the somewhat timid ten yr. old is instructed to go first. He climbs on top of a tree stump. His knees bend, straighten, and bend again. He leans forward to jump but leans back again. Still not off the stump, the family begins to cheer him on.

     “You got this. You can do it.”

     A second hesitation and suddenly he steps off the platform.

     A high pitched, whizzzzzzzzzzz….zip.

     We can't see the landing platform from where we stand. No screaming or crashing sounds are heard. The guide at the end radios the line is clear for the next person. Oh, good, he made it. What? It’s my turn? If the timid one can do it, surely this will be a breeze for me.

     You know that stump can be very deceiving. It appears to be 12-15 inches high but when you step up on it, it feels more like 12-15 feet!

    I’m clear to go. I bend my knees but my feet don’t move. Bend, straighten, bend, straighten. Oh, good grief. Why couldn’t they choose another adult to go first? I’m delaying everyone’s fun. Then, I hear the cheers.

     “You got this, Mom. You can do it.”

     Swaying for a moment, I finally just lean forward and step off. I am like that pig in the commercial who hangs his head out the window yelling, “Whee! Whee! Whee!” I love it!

     By the time the whole family reunites on the second platform our knees are still shaking but our eyes are brighter and our smiles bigger. That is until the guides tell us the next zip is named “The Hawk that Ate the Fluffy Bunny.”

Zip Lining is exhilarating!

     

     We continue to root for each other and hug every tree together. With each zip, our apprehensions fade into the cool, fall air. Zip lining is exhilarating!

     Before we know it, three and half hours fly by. After eleven, fabulous zips, we arrive at the end of the tour.

     I hope our family is able to do this again. Zip lining is fun! It's also empowering. We squashed doubts and fears. Together, we learned how to soar.

     The hardest part? Leaning out and taking that first step of faith.

     The coolest part?  Trusting the strong, narrow cable even though it may be eighty feet off the ground. And, even though I can’t see the next destination, I know it’s straight ahead. All I have to do is hold on, lean forward, and trust.

      Another amazing addition is the precious people I have encouraging me—those behind me, and those ahead of me in my journey.

     Now, because of my experience, I can encourage you. Be strong and courageous. Gather your family and inspire them to stretch beyond their comfort zones.  Don't just tell them, show them with God nothing is impossible.

*****

That's Me--Rappelling & Rejoicing!

Post Note: I highly recommend The Gorge Zip Line in Saluda, N.C. The staff are very friendly and well trained. The zipping did not aggravate my health issues. You’ll need to determine what works for you. I didn't think it was a jarring experience due to the self-braking system. You aren't on your feet for long periods. The only parts that were sore after the trip were my arms and hands from hanging on so tightly!

10 Clues Your Family’s Faith is Like a Fairy Tale

    by Sally Matheny 

    

    
     Once upon a time, there were parents who wished upon every shooting star for their kids to turn out okay. Shiny pennies were tossed into fountains and wishbones pulled, in hopes that their children would grow up to be joyful and productive citizens of the land. Imagine the parents’ sorrow and dismay when they did not.

     Is this your family’s philosophy? Are you sure? Check out these 10 clues to see if your family’s faith is like a fairy tale:

Staycations in the Countryside- What’s On Your Radar?

by Sally Matheny

   

Staycations in the countryside

      Whether you’re short on time or low on money, don’t abandon a family getaway just yet. Instead of a vacation, consider a staycation or two.  Staycations can be fun activities, such as a luau, planned for your own backyard.  However, staycations also include day trips.  Even if you live out in the countryside, you may be surprised by a slew of possibilities within a two-hour drive from home sweet home.

     Besides the obvious parks, museums and municipal pools, here’s a few ideas to consider when checking what’s on your staycation radar.

     Perhaps some family members would enjoy creating their own Visitor’s Guide for the area. Include photos, drawings, and descriptions of interesting areas.

Family Mission Trips- How to Prepare Your Children

by Sally Matheny

 

Take Your Family on a Mission Trip!

     In making your summer plans, have you considered a family mission trip?  

     A trip planned for serving others, rather than ourselves, puts our faith into action.  When we practice sacrificial giving and serving, our faith grows. Flexibility and working as a team strengthens the family. Leaning to trust God with the details, and most of all, the results of our efforts, trains us for further service.

    
    

     If you choose to adventure on a mission trip, here are a few helpful tips on how to prepare your children.

Prayer

     Essential for a successful trip, with all its details and decisions, is earnest prayer. Through prayer and discussion, focus on the purpose of the trip. Remind one another of the Great Commission and everyone’s need for Christ. Pray continually for the people your family will serve. Every detail—the victories and the snags—are entrusted to God.

Bible Study

Share scriptures on serving
others.

     During family devotion times, include scriptures on serving others.    
     Regularly share with one another how God is working in your life and it will become easier to conduct these same conversations with those outside of your home. Give older children opportunities to practice sharing their faith in a comfortable environment before stretching beyond their comfort zones.
     Remind the family of how God works through our weaknesses. Recall Moses, Paul, and people of today who have reached others through the power of God. God enables ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

 Destination

     Whether it is within or outside the United States, research the culture of the area you will serve. Host a special family night. Serve foods commonly served there. Watch a movie or read a book about the area.

     Show your children the destination on a map. If possible, let them highlight your travel route and allow them to take this map on the trip.

     Discuss how this is not a vacation. It’s not all about our comfort and pleasure. While there will be fun moments, the focus is on the mission.

Packing

     Allow children to help with some of the packing. If there is a required packing list, let children help check off items. Give them choices, when possible—even if it’s between two colors of shirts. This will be another opportunity for children (and parents!) to practice flexibility and sacrifice.

     Will you be taking items to the people you will be serving? This may be Bibles, VBS materials, candy, or other supplies. Enlist the help of your children in collecting and packing the items.

Traveling

     Pack a backpack of items to keep your child entertained during travel. Consider small toys, card games, art supplies and snacks. Pull out that map with the highlighted travel route. Allow children to trace over the line as the trip progresses, circling areas of interest.

     Help them collect mementos at each stop. Collect items such as tree leaves, area information from free brochures, and camera shots. When you return home, these can be transferred to a scrapbook or lap book.

     Encourage children to share these with family and friends as a way of testifying to God’s goodness on the trip.

Befriending another child is ministry.

Serving

     If possible, plan service opportunities that include each member of your family. Running errands, assisting with laundry or just befriending another child are areas of ministry. Stress how God uses all things (big and little) for His glory.

Serve with a humble spirit.

     Remind your children they are there to serve others and how to do that in a way pleasing to God. Perhaps role-play appropriate and inappropriate ways (ex. with humbleness and with haughtiness).

     Also, remember to include Jesus. Repairing a roof for someone benefits him now, but sharing Jesus Christ with him offers eternal rewards. Be intentional and pray for opportunities to witness about Christ’s love.

  

Spiritual Warfare

     If your children are old enough to understand good and evil, then they will understand that obstacles and difficulties will arise. Discuss the importance of prayer, staying in the Word, and not giving in when difficulties arise. Before the trip, talk about possible trials and temptations and how the family can help each other.
 

Testing comes when the unexpected
occurs.

     Testing comes when the unexpected occurs. Understand that the spiritually maturity levels vary in each family. Teach by example by showing the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

     Although no one wants difficulties, they produce a wonderful time to grow in our faith.

 

Zeal

Never lacking in zeal.

     Let your love and enthusiasm for the Lord overflow to your children.

    “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:10-12 (NIV)

     Excited about planning your next family trip? Below are a few links to get you started!

http://www.lifeway.com/Article/Travel-guide-mission-trips

http://wearethatfamily.com/2011/06/preparing-your-kids-for-global-missions/

http://heartofthematteronline.com/you-can-go-taking-a-family-mission-trip/

    Has your family ventured on a mission trip together? Share with us your helpful tips!