What Children Learn When Parents Face Adversity

by Sally Matheny

Children learn fom hard walls of adversity.

Sometimes life feels like an obstacle course. 

Zigzagging through distractions provides adventure. 

Successfully hurdling small problems brings satisfaction. 

However, occasionally, we find ourselves in a quagmire. We come face-to-face with a hard wall of adversity. 

People watch to see how Christians will handle these dilemmas. 

Our children are among them.

What Do You Do When There's Pain in Your Life?

by Sally Matheny

What Do You Do When There's Pain in Your Life?

     Some of you, dear friends, have hearts in a vise of tension; your minds consumed with worry and fear, your bodies suffering. Physically and emotionally injured.
     Whether it's small or large, what do you do when there’s pain in your life?
     Even the sting of a paper cut lasts longer that we think it should. Just when we think it’s over, something settles in and irritates it. How can  a thing so little produce such a bite?

     But we know from experience, paper cuts heal. They are like pelting rain compared to the more serious squalls in life—broken relationships, job loss, disease, and physical pain.

     Recently, I’ve dealt with a new, physical pain in my life. Although a bit overwhelmed by its painful onset, I waited for it to heal. As the weeks passed, discouragement tried to settle in and irritate the healing process.

     At times, we respond like an animated feature. You know, where one little guy sits on one shoulder and another little guy sits on the other shoulder; trying to convince you in their conversation.

You’ll get over this.

(Nah, this is probably your lot in life.)

It takes time. Maybe you should try this and this … and this … and this!

(Time, schmime. This is for the birds, let’s pitch a hissy-fit. Let’s gripe and grumble!)

     It’s time to flick the little cartoon characters off our shoulders and consult the real deal. God’s truth brings comfort and healing.

Storms of Life

     I was reminded of this the other night when my little boy crawled in our bed, afraid of the booming thunderstorm. Reaching across and placing my hand on his head, he relaxed and tried to fall back asleep. Moments later, I moved my hand up a little to see if he was asleep and he quickly slid his head back up under my hand. I smiled thinking of the comfort my hand brought him.

     Even though my son was afraid, I was not. I knew the brevity of thunderstorms but my heart longed to comfort him until it passed.

     Then I sensed God’s gentle hand on my head. As warm tears trickled onto my pillow, I thanked my heavenly Father. He knows the depth and the length of my injury. It's His desire to heal me and during that healing process He longs to offer me comfort, mercy, and even treasures along the way.

     Just as we long to comfort our children when they are hurting or afraid, so much more does God want to comfort us. Let’s seek Him fervently, and nestle closer under His loving hand.

     Are you trusting God in the midst of life's storms?
 

 

 

 

 

 

Teaching Kids Life Lessons at the Circus: Thriftiness & Tightwadiness

by Sally Matheny

Balancing between thriftiness and
tightwadiness is a delicate act.

     Not long ago, we took our nine-year-old son to see his first Ringling Brothers Circus. The tickets were expensive, so I tried to think of ways we could save money during the event. Walking the tightrope of thriftiness is not easy, but it produced valuable life lessons at the circus.

     There’s a thin line between thriftiness and tightwadiness. Balancing between the two is a delicate act requiring great skill. Some may think it’s embarrassing to eat snacks out of a Ziploc bag at a public event. I do not. Our homemade goody bags are usually healthier than their offerings and definitely cheaper.

     Also, prior to our trip, we had several conversations with our son about souvenirs. Our gift to him was a night out to the circus. If he wanted a souvenir, he’d have to use his own money. He insisted circus souvenirs were not desired and his savings were allotted for Legos. I encouraged him to take some money, just in case he changed his mind.

     When the big night finally arrived, we got a late start, and barely had time to hit a drive-thru for dinner. Being the frugal mom, I offered desserts from the snack box we keep packed in the van. Not bothering to turn on the light, I fumbled around for the treats. After the distribution, I enjoyed one of the three chocolate peanut butter squares of my new, Skinny Cow candy and placed the rest in my purse for later.

Saving Money

     The late start also forced us to pay ten dollars for a nice uphill hike to the Civic Center. We didn’t mind. Our excitement and the chilly air brought us to the entrance quickly. I didn’t see a sign mentioning no outside food. The security officer checked my handbag and didn’t say a word about my bagged snacks. She’s probably a thrifty mom, too.

     Herded inside, we smelled buttered popcorn and pepperoni pizza. Thankfully, our bellies were full so we searched for our seats. Up, up, up we climbed. Shortly after locating our seats, the show began. Lively music came from the mini orchestra. The ringmaster’s enthusiasm ignited a rush of applause. After a parade of animals and clowns, various acts appeared in the arena. My husband asked for his snack bag but our son was too excited to eat. He dared not take his eyes off the roaring tigers and their tamer, or the eight dirt bikes zipping inside a metal sphere all at once.

     After an exciting first half, the ringmaster announced an intermission. The guys were quite thirsty by then so they set off to find a drink. Occasionally, a vendor meandered through the crowd shouting, ““Popcorn, popcorn! Who wants popcorn?” or "Get your snow cones, here!"

I bet those snow cones cost five dollars. I bet they’ll splurge on one. 

     Reaching in my purse for the rest of my chocolate candy, only one square emerged. After a thorough search for the other square, I determined it must have fallen on the van floor. Oh, what a waste, I thought, making a mental reminder to search for it later.

Free Flowing Water

     Meanwhile, the guys were weaving in and out of the crowd in search of liquid refreshment. Those tiny snow cones demanded eleven dollars! Our son deemed the red, white, and blue ice worthy of eleven dollars, but his dad did not. During their thirsty search, they found nothing less expensive. Finally, my husband said they would quench their thirst with the free flowing water fountain. A scowl darkened our son’s face. Dad declared the cool water delicious but the boy kept his distance, shaking his head no. Dad drank until content and then mentioned they better get back to their seats. Dryly, our son said, “Wait a minute,” and bent down to partake of the water.

     Zigzagging through the crowd again, this time the brilliant colors and buzzing sounds of circus trinkets beckoned the boy. They paused to look at a few of the overpriced plastics before moving on. Other kids’ holding their mementos made the boy consider using the cash in his pocket. He preferred using his dad’s cash but knew that was inconceivable. Suddenly, the ringmaster’s shout was heard and the band’s music blared. Pondering time ran out and they hurried back to their seats.

     Memory of the shiny trinkets faded as sequined gymnasts propelled high in the air, spiraling through hoops as they leapt. The tricks of the elephants, dogs, and even a pig captured our full attention. Then, to all the kids’ amazement, a wooly mammoth appeared. His long tusks and brown hair swayed above his familiar-looking feet. Funny how my son knew the real identity of the mammoth, but insisted I needed to take a photo of the “unicorn” and the “Pegasus.” I guess some of the high costs of circus attendance go toward intricate, believable costume designs.

Wooly Mammoth with Revealing Feet

    

     The finale showcased lots of beautiful costumes, talented animals, and hard-working entertainers. Then, the cheerful crowd bubbled out of their seats and made their way to their cars. The vendors made their last attempts to entice sales. However, our son had grown content with the experience and decided he didn’t need any of their gizmos.

     On our way home, we stopped at a QT gas station. My husband treated everyone to frozen ice drinks. The colorful QT cup was twice the size of the one at the circus and cost only sixty-nine cents!

     Whenever our son recounts his fun night at the circus, there is no mention of tightwadiness. He tells about all his favorite circus acts. And with equal enthusiasm, he always shares about how the circus drinks cost eleven dollars but he got one twice as big at QT for sixty-nine cents. He’s very proud of his QT cup!

     The circus tickets were well worth the money. The life lessons learned were priceless. My son learned the benefit of delayed gratification, the value of a dollar, and the sweet satisfaction of a fun, circus experience with his family.

     I learned a lesson as well. If you drop chocolate candy in a dark van, immediately find its whereabouts. Otherwise, you may give Candy Crush a whole new meaning. Apparently, my missing candy did accompany me to the circus.

Ahem. Sometimes, being frugal can have an embarrassing end.

 

 

 

Share ways you teach children to be frugal!



Love Never Stinks

by Sally Matheny

“Love stinks." Have you ever said that?

I remember spouting the sentiment when I was a teen. No surprise there. A teen's heart can be extraordinarily tender.

However, I recently overheard an adult say. "love stinks." The remark caused me to ponder.

Is it possible for love to stink?

What Do You Cherish Most?

by Sally Matheny



What do you cherish most?



 

Perhaps you have a favorite football team or maybe you cherish your own home team (a.k.a. the family). Aside from the precious people in your life, what do you cherish most?

 

There’s a book of photographed stuffed animals, by Mark Nixon, titled, Much Loved.  They aren’t just ordinary stuffed animals. They are comrades who were hugged and tugged until they became unrecognizable stuffing.  Some barely held together with tiny stitches of love.
 

I thought about that book one day when I was cleaning out my attic and stumbled upon two cherished companions—my teddy bear and my husband’s teddy bear.  They were similar in size and color, and even had the same creative name—Teddy.  Both had great ears, trained to listen only to children. They had bravely traveled on many adventures, physically, and through the imaginations of their owners.

Because we loved them so, we defended them. They were never coerced to a donation box or into a yard sale. We outgrew the bears but they safely retired to a protected Rubbermaid habitat in the attic.

Cherished Teddy Bears-Hers & His

There’s another large, plastic container located inside my closet. My family has instructions that in the case of an emergency, save lives first, and then, if they can save only one item, grab that container!

It holds our wedding album, baby books, and special items regarding the adoption of our youngest child. Scrapbooks chronicling the first year of each of our children are tucked inside. Whoever has to tote that heavy container out of the house is lucky I haven’t scrapbooked every year of my children’s lives. Between the three of them, that would total fifty-one years!

I know the saying is to cherish the memories, but my memory isn’t so good. So I treasure the large collection of photos and videos that help prod the thoughts and emotions back for me. 

As a child, I treasured things like teddy bears and trinkets.  As an adult, the things I hold dear relate to my experiences with the people I love.

I must have this. I must have that.

Some people say, “I cannot live without this,” or “I must have that.” This may be as simple as a morning cup of coffee or as demanding as living in a certain neighborhood with a certain kind of car. But what should we cherish the most in life?

       

Consider Proverbs 4:7-9 (NIV): 

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown.”  

It’s okay to appreciate the things we have, but more importantly God says we are to adore the understanding of His Word.

It may cost us our time, a friendship, or a job. Whatever it costs us to love, to defend, and to treasure God’s Word, it is worth it. If we embrace His wisdom and pray for understanding, we will be lifted up and honored with a glorious crown of eternal life.

Wow. My teddy bear, my photos—nothing I have, not even the people I love dearly, can do that. My best investment is to seek understanding of God’s wisdom. 

What about you? What do you cherish most?

Is Your Year Half-Full or Half-Empty?

    by Sally Matheny 
     January. (Do you hear the collective sighs?) For some, it is the beginning of a new year, but for many January marks a halfway point.  
Is your year already half-full or half-empty?

Students of all ages are in deep contemplation about the remainder of the school year. Many shake their heads, discouraged there’s another six months to go.
 

Teachers are not excluded—not even us homeschool moms. Winter months tend to chill our creativity and our enthusiasm. Sometimes, we’re as sluggish as the kids. On the other hand, some are in a frenzied panic about the quickly approaching end-of-grade tests and exams. 

This may be a pivotal point for other people as well.  Perhaps, you are half way through medical treatments, or the first year without a spouse, or without a child. Maybe you have six months to complete a project, meet a deadline, or turn things around financially.

Whatever your circumstances, do not despair. I’m here to remind you that your year is half-full! Think of all the things you’ve accomplished this year. Yes, some days were arduous. You had to learn how to stand firm and how to let go. Some battles you had to fight more than once. Most likely, there are more obstacles ahead. But look how full life has been and how far you’ve come!

You are wiser (and some of that wisdom came after making a few mistakes).

You are stronger (if not physically, then spiritually).

You are richer, maybe not financially, but think of what you’ve gained so far. Make a list and don’t concentrate solely on material things.

        Did you earn new friendships? Has your knowledge and understanding increased?

How has God blessed you in the midst of the trials? What have you learned by walking through the fires of life, that you may not have learned otherwise?

How has your past six months equipped you to encourage someone else?

   “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done 

   without hope and confidence.”  -Helen Keller

And speaking of faith, William R. Inge said,

   “No Christian can be a pessimist, for Christianity is a system of radical  
   optimism.”

Now, that’s a motto to take and run with—radical optimism! We have heard that all things are possible with God, but do we really believe it?

Radical trust in God means we give our best for the task that lies before us. We must do our part whether it is to study, to teach, or to work. We are to laways persevere with prayer and thanksgiving. We ask God to enable us do His will and then we must trust the outcome to Him. His unfailing love is a fundamental truth we can depend on.
 

Is there something pessimistic in our speech, in our actions, or in our thoughts that needs changing? Do our attitudes reflect our trust in God?

Fuel yourself with God’s Word. Call on His Spirit to reignite your passion to finish the race. God will give you what you need. Charge on, dear friend, charge on!

What about you? What helps you stay optimistic about the future?

 

 

 

Look at Life From a Different Angle

     by Sally Matheny

Problems from a Different Angle

      Recent problems have forced me to look at life from a different angle. For two weeks, we dealt with water issues from burst pipes in our attic. Every time we thought the problem was fixed, another leak would appear. To top it off, the glue for the CPVC pipe fell on my husband’s favorite flashlight. He liked the light because it could rotate 180 degrees. Now it only shines at a rigid, 90 degrees.  He was not happy.
 

     Neither was I. Due to the water damage, we had clothes and boxes piled in every place except where they belonged. Throughout the first week of chaos, although greatly fatigued, I still managed smiles and laughter. By the second week, my exhaustion accompanied snarls and foaming at the mouth. Clouds of discouragement were accumulating so I talked to God. That’s when He impressed upon me I needed to look at the problem from a different angle.

     “Lord, what are you teaching me here? Why all the delays?”

     There’s more work to do.

     “Yes, yes, Lord, I know. We’ve got to buy more couplings and pipe. Flooring needs to be replaced.”

     There’s more work to do.

    "What do You mean? Do I need to go through all the closet stuff again? I’ve purged and donated three boxes already but, okay.”

     Rummaging through my closet’s contents, I pulled out my scruffy, gray bedroom slippers. Years of wear had made them quite comfy.  Even my children would slip them on and wear them around the house—which is probably how they became stained. They were beyond help. Reluctantly, I tossed them in the trash.

     There’s one dress I’d held onto for three years and had only worn once. It looked elegant on the store mannequin. My usual frugal shopping took a back seat as I splurged a little and bought the dress. However, it didn’t look as chic on me as it did on the size 2 mannequin. Even so, I held onto it for years, thinking that one day it might.  It never did. Years later I still had a hard time parting with something I had invested so much money and time—time just waiting for things to change. With a huff, I packed it in a box to give away.

     After purging through more clothes, I noticed the box containing all my handbags. I’m not really into shoes and handbags. The basics are fine with me. However, a long time ago, someone gave me a huge crocodile handbag. Its swamp green color appealed to me and I carried it around for a while. But it was just too big. I would dig and dig, never finding what I was looking for inside. Plus, it weighed a ton—even when it was empty! The crocodile purse was set free to find a new home elsewhere.

     Glancing around the room, I noticed I had weeded out quite a bit more stuff. That’s when I realized what God might have been telling me.

Children Absorbing Our Stains of Sin
Photo by flickr

     Maybe God was impressing upon me to let go of old habits to which I’d become accustomed. I had grown comfortable scuffing around in subtle bitterness or in an attitude of complacency. Even worse, my children were trying on my attitudes and absorbing my stains of sin.

   How many times have I ignored the Holy Spirit’s prodding that something was not right? Grudgingly, I held onto ideas of the way I thought things should be. Investing so much time waiting for things to change to suit my tastes, I was disappointed when they did not.  Never considering perhaps the change should occur in me.

     How many heavy burdens have I tried to carry alone? Sometimes unnecessarily taking on ones that were not meant for me. Often looking for help, but not finding it, because I was looking in the wrong places.  I should have known to stick with the basics—the loving Truth of God.

     Only God can transform the heart but I have to do my part and allow Him to do the work. He desperately wants to clear out all the scum and stains in my life. He gently whispers, “This is not My plan for you. Give me all your expectations. Hand over everything, so there will be room for My plan, which is perfectly beautiful for you.”

     Wow. God’s love is powerful. It’s better than hiring a housekeeper, a closet designer, and a garbage collector. He offers his cleansing love freely for those who ask. He is the only one who has the best angle—a 360.

     Got a problem? Try looking at it from a from a different angle. If that doesn’t help, just trust the Master. His love encircles you and He’s got you covered.

Trust God's Angle
Photo by flickr

 

 

    

The Bright Side of Bursting Water Pipes: Blogging about Disasters Brings Hope

by Sally Matheny

Niagara Falls image compliments of flickr

Should we blog about our daily dilemmas? Looking for the brighter side in the midst of our disasters may bring hope to others.
Is there a bright side of water pipes bursting? We shall see.At the moment, my hope is hanging by a nail.

Tuesday, we had no electricity for about three hours. Later, after the power was restored, a water pipe burst in our attic. I’ve always wanted to see Niagara Falls—just not in my hall bathroom…, or in my closet…, or in my bedroom.
The rest of the afternoon was a whirlwind of trying to get the water turned off, trying to contact my husband, and trying to rescue clothes and photo albums, and such. It was definitely a trying day.

Wednesday, I cleaned to the constant roar of fans and a dehumidifier. It’s amazing how much stuff can accumulate in a medium-size walk-in closet.

Thursday I had a migraine and wasn’t much good to anyone.

Friday involved more cleaning. I hung clothes on a small extension rod I placed in the bathroom. It fell, so only neckties are hanging on it now. Then I tried hanging the clothes on a mobile clothes rack. It began leaning so much from the weight we had to prop it up against the treadmill.

Bursting Water Pipe by flickr

Saturday, I cleaned my daughter’s closet. She’s away at college so we decided to sleep in her room until the repairs were made. I moved some of my clothes in her closet. After cleaning, there was still only about 12 inches of available space so I crammed as many clothes as I could in those 12 inches.

We also began purging stuff. If you need a necktie or a picture frame, call us.



 

I don’t know how I accumulated so many boxes of greeting cards and craft supplies! I began thinning out my collections and my husband promised to weed out his collection of cassette tapes. Yes—cassette.  With his headset on, he appeared to have a wonderful time listening to each one. I don’t know how many he discarded, but the huge duffel bag is gone now. (I’m beginning to wonder if he just moved them out to our storage building).

Sunday, all was going well until we arrived home from church. Apparently, there was another small water issue under the house. My husband quickly took care of it. Then, we heard a huge CRASH!
 

Another closet collapses

My daughter’s entire closet shelf collapsed. Evidently, the clothes on those 12 inches were one foot too much. My son looked at me and asked if I was going to start cleaning up the mess. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, my firm reply was “No, just shut the door and walk away.”  I began to walk out of the bedroom.

“But, Mom…”

“I said, Shut the door and walk away.”

 I’m still pretending the mess isn’t there.

Are you ready for the brighter side? Me, too! Let me be clear, here. I don’t feel like a “Lil’ Miss Sunshine” in the middle of all the mess and I certainly don’t act like her. Ask my family. However, there is a brighter side and that’s where I try to focus my attention (at least most of the time).

We were blessed to be home when the pipe burst. I’ve heard horror stories of people discovering water damage hours later, even days later. The damage could have been so much worse had we not been home and if the power had not been restored.

And, while I felt like I was running in slow motion circles, like a half-frozen chicken with her head cut off, I actually managed to save almost everything. Only a few items suffered damage, and thankfully, none of those were our photo albums and scrapbooks.

The calvary came. Thankfully, my sister-in-law came and helped me cut off the water. Another dear friend came right away to help my husband begin the necessary repairs. My parents kept my son one day so I could clean and they brought us a delicious meal the day I had the migraine.



Repairs Needed in Attic, 2 BR, 1 Bath, & 2 Closets

The repairs aren't cheap but could have been much more expensive. My husband has developed into quite a handy-man over the years, which will save us money.

Two closets were cleaned…well, one will have to be done again. But purged a lot of stuff we didn’t need. And hopefully, the things we donated will help someone else.

I haven’t found a lot of humor in all the clothes racks falling. However, there is one event, in the midst of this chaos, that will always make me laugh.

The day the pipe burst, I was unable to reach my husband by phone. He is a pastor but he also works at a community college.  Every day he works out in the gym during his lunch hour. I finally called one of his coworkers who delivered the message to him at the gym. My husband was still in his T-shirt and shorts when he received the news his house was flooding. He didn't even take time to change but grabbed his coat and began to sprint across campus. The temps were in the single digits that day so my husband wore his long, winter coat. As he was running across campus, he said he quickly unbuttoned his coat.

When I asked him why, he replied, “I thought people needed to see I was wearing clothes underneath that long coat. All you could see were my bare legs. I didn’t want people to think I was a flasher!"

So, there you have it. Sometimes our disasters are just temporary dilemmas. My mama is right when she says, “There’s always going to be somebody who has it worse.”  It helps to keep things in perspective.



Sun over ice photo by flicker

Maybe you’re in the middle of your own disaster of sorts. And whether you’re hanging on by a nail, a thread, or the end of your rope, there’s always hope. Don’t give up. God cares about life’s little snags and the huge catastrophes. Because of His love, there will always be a brighter side.

 

If you like reading about the brighter side of dilemmas, you may also enjoy:  

When There’s Nothing to Blog About

http://sallymatheny.blogspot.com/2013/12/when-theres-nothing-to-blog-about.html  

 It’s funny how many people can relate to a baking catastrophe.

 

Writers’ Conference: When It Rains It Pours

http://sallymatheny.blogspot.com/2013/05/when-it-rains-it-pours.html

Are you stressed? Allow God to open the floodgate!