Balancing Work and Family- Writers Share

The past six months of interviewing published authors and editors for the Write2Ignite Writers’ Conference has been an educational blessing.

Remember when Boaz told his servants to let Ruth glean grain from the fields? He even ordered them to pull out some of the good stuff and drop it for her to use.   

Like Ruth, I am eager to glean from others. Those I interviewed graciously pulled out and offered the “good stuff.”

Some of our conversations relate to the world of writing and publishing. However, a great deal of what I’m gleaning is lessons from their life experiences. Whether you are a writer, or not, there’s something of value to be picked up here.

That’s why I’ve decided, on the first Monday of each month, to share excerpts from some of those interviews with you. Get your basket. We’ve got some grains of wisdom to gather.

How many of us strain balancing work and family? Even homeschooling moms like me grapple with the needs of our family, church, and community in the midst of maintaining our homes and teaching our children. If you google about this dilemma you'll get thousands of responses.

I asked these authors how they did it.

Joyce Moyer Hostetter

Joyce Moyer Hostetter, a multi-award-winning author of historical fiction said,

 “I’m not sure how balanced I’ve been but I’ve chosen not to work at another job.  I prefer less money and a lesser house to the stress of two jobs.  So I write from home and I venture out for research and school visits.

 

Helping with the grandchildren, taking care of an elderly parent, etc. can definitely reschedule my writing life.  But I’ve learned from godly parents to make faith and family my priorities.

 

I do get frustrated about postponing writing for yet another day. Balancing it all is an ongoing struggle.  But as a Christian, I think it will always be that way if I respond to needs around me - as I think I should.”

Vijaya Bodach, author of several non-fiction books, said,



Vijaya Bodach

 “Balancing everything is hard. The needs of my family come first. I also do a lot of work-for-hire and this tends to be on tight deadlines. I do the teaching and work-for-hire first. Some days I do not get to my own writing (the works of my heart) but that’s okay. I always scribble away in my journal.

My husband helps me a great deal.  I am blessed to have a family that is excited and supportive of my writing.”



Cecil Murphey, author of over 120 books, including 90 Minutes in Heaven, shared his heart about balancing family with work.

“That’s always been the tough part for me. With my children grown, I’ve often wished I had given them more time. I apologized to them, and they responded graciously and said they had no complaints.

Cecil Murphey

Our middle child, who gave us the most trouble during her teens, said to me with tears in her eyes, “You were always there for me when I needed you.” (Then my eyes filled with tears.)
Although I wish I had been a better parent (and I assume most of us feel that way), I know my kids love me. They come to our monthly family get-togethers, even though I frequently tell them, ‘If you get a better offer, take it.’ I want them to come only because they want to be with us and not from any sense of obligation.”

Another thing I learned from talking with Cec is he stays focused on his work during a set time each day. Unless there is a looming deadline, he stops at 5:00 p.m. My own husband sets a good example of leaving his work at the office.
I guess we moms need to learn how to do that. Stop “working” at a certain time each day. It’ll be there tomorrow to pick up again. That just sounds easier said than done!

We hear all too often of parents doing their own thing and “losing” their children. There are also dangers of centering your whole life around the child’s—allowing his desires to be the primary focus.

I think all parents struggle with this from time to time. Keeping our priorities in order requires self-discipline. Essential in balancing work and family is devoting the matter to continual prayer. Should we maintain an even balance between work with family? Work is important but, to me, people take precedence.

Our sinful selves can rationalize all day long the choices we make. The worldly voice shouts daily, “Have it YOUR way.”

My conclusion is even if we try our best, there are days when we’re going to mess up. Tipping the scales to either overindulge our children or overwork ourselves. Or overwork our children and overindulge ourselves! (Is that even possible?)

Constantly seeking God’s grace and wisdom is our only hope. Jesus Christ must be the center foundation to maintain stability at work and in our homes.
 

 

Doing What You Don't Know How to Do

by Sally Matheny

Flower Art provided by Dreamstime

“I am always doing that which I don’t know how to do

 in order that I may learn how to do it.”

-Picasso

 

     Friends, if only you knew how often I read this quote posted above my computer! How many of you are doing things you don’t know how to do?

     So many of my middle-aged friends are learning new job skills. Some are doing this because of our county’s 12.5% unemployment rate. Others are seeking a change.

     I know a carpenter studying to be a pastor; a teacher pursuing a physician’s assistant degree; and a musician going into social work. Then there’s me.

     Ever since I was a little girl I remember wanting to be two things—a mommy and a teacher. So, after high school I pursued a teaching degree. Later, I earned a master’s in K-6 Education. I loved teaching kindergarten for eight years. Well, I didn’t like the discipline issues, or bus duty, but everything else I loved!

     Later, I was blessed to become a mommy, too. When my girls were ages two and four, I felt God leading me to become a stay-at-home mom. We had to make several adjustments in our lifestyle. I will always be grateful to my husband for taking this leap of faith with me. Most days were wonderful. Some days were exhausting. I wondered how I ever managed housework with an outside job. But, I loved being home with the girls. Then, they went to school.

     After my oldest completed first grade and my youngest finished kindergarten, God called us to make another transition. This was our biggest leap of faith yet—homeschooling! I wrestled with this call for almost a year. Finally I conceded that we would try this homeschooling thing for one year. We are now in our thirteenth year and love it!


     It's funny when you look back over your life. I knew I was called to be a teacher. I just never thought it would be a homeschool teacher! Sometimes I wonder why God didn’t clue me in on that before my parents paid for one degree and we paid for the other. If God sent me a sign before college, I totally missed it. I believe my college and job experiences all had a purpose. If I missed God’s nudging somewhere along the way, he was merciful and still worked things out for His glory. I am so thankful when he does that, aren’t you?

     Our two daughters are in college now. Currently, I’m homeschooling our son. Homeschooling a boy (and without siblings as playmates) has different job requirements. The new skills I’m learning include target-shooting, dragon slaying, and trying to make learning good manners as manly an endeavor as possible.

     To add to the mix, about two years ago, God planted a seed in my heart to write. Uncertain of the direction God will take my writing but I know he wants me to encourage others in their life journey.

     The work has been more challenging than I ever anticipated. I doubt I’ll ever learn all there is to know about the craft and business of writing. But the more I learn, the more I enjoy this new assignment from God. As always, I’m counting on him to use my feeble attempts for his glory.

     And, thank you, friends, for allowing me to do that which I don’t know how to do in order that I may learn how to do it.  

     What about you? What job assignment is God giving you? I encourage you to embrace it and trust Him with the details.

No Trespassing!

by Sally Matheny

No Trespassing!

  A previous post mentions creating a special place in the woods behind our home. Although originally intended as a quiet place for my bi-vocational pastor-husband, we invited our family and friends to come enjoy the peaceful trail.

  There is a fallen tree near the chair at the Quiet Place. Underneath a slab of bark, we tucked a plastic-wrapped Bible. It is a hidden treasure for anyone to use during his time with God by the creek.

  The trail itself became a treasure to us. My husband and I worked together extending it around the back of our property. There’s something very therapeutic about working outside. We didn’t mind the sore muscles at the end of the day. It was satisfying work. The time spent together was great. Peaceful.

  Well, most of the time. Sometimes all three dogs wanted to walk with us. That’s fine except when they decide to wrestle with each other. It’s hard to walk with a rolling ball of dogs in front of you.

  Our son has a blast with imaginary adventures in the forest. He has friends over and they are either hunting wild hogs, dragons or the elusive Big Foot.

  So, the freshly made trail led us to fun times as well as peaceful times. That is, until it was violated.

  Before the trail was two months old, someone trespassed against us. Someone stole my sweetheart’s chair from his Quiet Place one week before Christmas.

  This may sound trivial, perhaps even humorous to some. But, when I heard the news, I experienced five of the seven emotional stages of grief.

  I was shocked. Gone? What do you mean gone? The day before was a windy day. Surely the wind had just picked it up and it was somewhere in the woods. I was in denial. We looked everywhere. The heavily wooded area would make it practically impossible for the chair to blow very far. I kept scanning the treetops for the dangling chair. Nothing.

  I skipped the bargaining and guilt phases and jumped right into anger. How dare someone come on my property and take something that is not theirs. Who do they think they are? A person would have to carry that chair over the top of his head and walk through briers uphill to get the chair out of the woods. Perhaps someone was out hunting and thought the wind dropped a chair in the middle of the forest, free for the taking. Now, we've resorted to posting ugly “Private Property- No Trespassing” signs.

  More than the loss of the chair (which was a gift from my parents), I grieved over the violation of our Quiet Place, our safe haven. So, depression (more like sadness), mixed with a little fear, came. Why would someone do such a thing? If they wanted a chair that badly, all they had to do was ask. They took more than the chair. They took my feeling of safety. I thought this would be a wonderful place to let my boy loose to roam and have adventures. Now, someone will have to go with him, carry protection, and constantly scan the area.

  Acceptance followed. While we still take extra safety precautions, we do not live in fear. God inspired us to make the trail. He meant for us to enjoy it. He is the one who supplies all our needs and gives us a peace that passes all understanding. God's grace reminded me about forgiving those who trespass against me.

  We haven’t replaced the chair yet. But when we do, we’ll have a sign similar to this one hanging over it.



Forgiven!

  What about you? Has someone trespassed against you? If you hold onto anger or hurt—you lose peace. Grieve if you must, but keep moving towards forgiveness. Your hope is in the Lord.





Do You Have a Quiet Place?

by Sally Matheny

  Do you have a quiet place? Not just a state of mind, but literally a place where you can go sit and think, without interruptions?
  There’s a popular story among homeschool moms about a mother who only had one place—under her apron. When she desperately needed a moment of silence with the Lord she would find a chair, sit, and pull her apron over her head. Unless someone was bleeding or dying, no one was to bother Mommy when her apron was over her head!
  Sometimes we stay-at-home-moms have to go to extreme measures to find a quiet place. 
  Dads face the same dilemma. Recently, I felt challenged to make a quiet place, not for me, but for my husband.

  Serving as a bi-vocational pastor, my husband stays quite busy between his two jobs, family, and daily life events. After visiting Carl Sandburg’s home recently and seeing his chair perched out in the quiet woods nearby, I decided I would carve out a quiet place for my husband. A special place he could go and be alone with God.

  We have a creek on our land but it's overgrown with underbrush and briers. So one afternoon, while the hubby was at work, I set out to clear a path to the creek. I had high aspirations of a beautiful winding path curling along beside the creek leading to a special place set aside for solitude. I grabbed the rake and some hedge clippers and took the 8-year-old redhead with me for backup.

  The hedge clippers were so dull they were tossed immediately. The redhead lasted ten minutes before he tramped off through the woods in search of dragons with his Nerf gun. He insisted my protection was much more important than raking leaves. It was difficult raking through the thick, damp leaves. It was easier to swish the leaves to the side with my feet. I set about like a rhythmic robot. Right leg swings and leaves swish through the air. Then the left leg swings. Back and forth, I carved out a rudimentary path.

  The path hugged fairly close to the creek. Who knew the creek was so pretty, so peaceful? As I did my robotic sweeping, I prayed. I prayed for my husband, my children, all our family and friends and for our church. While I was making a quiet place for my husband, I was having my own quiet time with God.

  Searching for a stopping place was not easy. I wanted the path to lead to just the right spot. A place where I could place a chair for my dear one to go sit, to pray and to read his Bible.

  Finally, I came to a level piece of ground. It was big enough of an area to put a chair and continue a path around it, if we decided to lengthen it later. The spot was perfect. I nestled a chair under the trees facing the bubbling creek. Sinking into the chair, I was exhausted but happy. Leaning back, I gazed at the flickering of sunlight in the creek. The bubbling sounds soothed the soul. I closed my eyes and thanked God for this place of peace. 
   Before I left the spot, I cleared every tiny leaf off the ground surrounding the little nook where the chair sat. I raked the ground until a smooth, dark brown carpet appeared with its earthy smell. I longed to bring my husband to this consecrated place.

  In Mark 6:31 Jesus tells his disciples, “Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” 

  Have you carved out a quiet place where you can go and rest in God’s peace?

(*This article is part one of a two part series. Check the "No Tresspassing" post to find out how the quiet place was violated.)

2012 Obstacles become 2013 Stepping Stones

You had some accomplishments last year but you also ran into a few snags didn’t you? Is progress impeded because you’re still standing behind those obstacles? Be strong and courageous. Let’s make our 2012 obstacles become 2013’s stepping-stones.

Not long ago my family was walking on a beautiful trail at author, Carl Sandburg’s home in North Carolina. The air was as crisp as the leaves floating gracefully to the ground. We had just finished a picnic and decided to meander around the lake. After awhile, we saw a sign pointing towards the Sandburg home. The map stated two ways to get to the home. One way was on the paved driveway and the other path led through the woods. Of course, I wanted to take the scenic route!

Beautiful nature surrounded us and we took our course. The fallen leaves on the ground were moist from an earlier rain but the skies were clear. It was a great day for walking. The path soon became a steady incline. A few places I had to regain my balance after slipping on the leaves. My cheery conversation wavered. I slowed down for safety and for more oxygen!

Just when I thought I had things under control, massive roots began to appear in my path. Huge, cumbersome roots. Okay, so they weren’t that huge, but at the time it felt like it to me. Great, I thought, I was enjoying this walk until I started slipping…then panting…and now I have to maneuver over these huge roots. Why didn’t I choose the smooth road?

While I was contemplating my circumstances, I began to notice the roots required me to pick my feet up higher but they actually were helping me in my climb. They were staggered just so resembling stair steps. The roots were anchoring my shoes from slipping on the wet leaves.

My apologies, Lord. Thank you for the roots. We made it to the top to another breathtaking view. The path ended at a large rock formation protruding from the ground. I guess Carl Sandburg could have complained about the massive rock outcropping in his backyard. No pretty, green grass could grow there. However, Mr. Sandburg was a wise man. He placed a large wicker chair on that rock. He made a quiet place for him to go think and write. Many times his family would join him there. The rock became a stage for their music and sharing stories.

Did you slip up in 2012? Are you still standing on a hard rock obstacle, wondering what to do with it? Perhaps there was an easier path but what’s done is done. No matter what cropped up in 2012, we can learn a lot if we have the right perspective. Look back at those problems that took root in your path. What can you learn from them? How can they make you stronger and wiser? No matter what the obstacles, you have to keep going in order to reach your destination. Pray for perseverance and push through. Remember, if we don’t encounter any problems, we tend to forget our need for God. We would not fully appreciate reaching our goals. The victory would not be as sweet. Use last year’s obstacles as stepping stones for this year’s goals.

 

Share your victory with us! What was an obstacle you overcame last year or are using as a stepping-stone for this year?

What Do We Need to Know for 2013?

2013 Book

This week we are spending a little time reflecting. Our 2012 “book” is closing. The spine of the book is worn from being opened and shut 365 times. The cover has a couple of stains. Many pages have been dog-eared for special remembrance. Attempts were made to remove other pages, but they remain stubbornly intact. Scanning through the book, we see the life lessons learned in 2012. What do we need to know for 2013?

A new year brings new resolutions and goals. Usually, we set attainable goals.  Work will be required but the success rate is realistic.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3, NIV)

What if we make a list of unrealistic goals? Things that are outside of our own reach? It’s reasonable for me to lose ten pounds, not easy, but an achievable target. Raising ten-thousand dollars for local food pantries seems an unattainable goal. I wouldn’t know where to begin. I don’t have the skills or knowledge for the job. It’s out of my comfort zone. Too much work and too little time. I could come up with fifty solid reasons why this would not be on my 2013 list of goals. It is easier to say I’ll donate twenty cans of food each month.

Dare we ask God to give us an impossible dream? What would that be? To go back to college? Change careers? Restore a relationship that ended long ago? Start a new ministry? Love unloveable people? Buy a house? Sell everything and become a missionary?

Are we brave enough to ask God to show us great and unsearchable things? Or do we “play it safe” and stick with what we already know? Do the possible or dream the impossible?

“For nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37, NLT)

One thing we need to know for 2013 is to trust God’s power more and rely less on our own power. God is ready to open the floodgates of his love and wisdom. He has great things to teach us this year.

Imagine he is placing a brand new book in your hands. Not a blemish on it. Pristine now, but he knows, at times, it’s going to be mishandled. As a believer, it’s okay, he’s got you covered. God already knows what is coming your way this year. Nothing surprises him.

He allows you to make choices and wants your input. Your 2013 book has plenty of blank pages for you to decide what to write. What will it be?  Do you want an interesting, but mediocre, account of your accomplishments? Or will it be an exciting adventure novel with impossibilities becoming miraculous realities?

Be strong and courageous. Invite God to plant an impossible dream in your heart. Ask him what you need to know for 2013.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Pondering Heart

by Sally Matheny

"Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." (Luke 2:19)

God knew Mary’s heart. It was humble enough and trusting enough to care for His treasure. With God's help, Mary's heart would also grow strong enough.

Mary was afraid when she first saw the angel. He comforted her, but how her heart must have raced at the news of her pregnancy. She, a virgin, would mother the Son of the Most High!

After the angel left, Mary was so excited she could do nothing but pack her bags and hurry to her cousin Elizabeth’s house. For three months, they enjoyed each other’s company. Praying and giggling in delight about both of their miracle babies.

The time finally came for Mary to give birth. Was she concerned discovering her birthing room was a stable? Or that God’s Son would spend his first night in an animal’s manger? Perhaps after everything she had already experienced, she did not worry. Mary fully trusted in God’s provision.

Later, Mary sat gazing at the newborn in her arms. She and Joseph knew he was God’s Son. Elizabeth knew as well. Would others believe?

Mary may have been surprised to hear the staffs of shepherds tapping outside. They were asking if they may come in and worship the Child. Her humble heart was overwhelmed with love and joy. Holding Jesus close for warmth, she could not fully understand the magnitude of the gift she cradled. Angels were praising God and telling of his birth. Strangers were coming to bow down before him.

Words were acutely inadequate to describe what she felt. She could only treasure the moments and ponder them in her heart.

What a night! Joyful but exhausted, Mary sang the baby to sleep. Perhaps she sang the same song she had sung to God only nine months earlier. Gently swaying…pondering and praising. Remembering the miracles and wondering what lie ahead. Praising God for his mercy and gift of love.

What has God given you to ponder?

What are you treasuring in your heart this Christmas?

Ten Ways to Prepare a Place for Christ

People are counting down the final days until Christmas. Checking off the gift lists and wrapping packages. The aroma of cookies and candy waft from kitchens across the globe. Christmas trees are already aglow and stockings line up the mantles. Christmastime brings lots of preparations. Are we preparing a place for Christ?

Saint Nicholas might be glad to know people want to follow his example of generosity. However, sadness would fill his heart if he knew the extent and motivation behind some gift-giving today.  Saint Nicholas secretly gave gifts long ago because of his humble spirit. His heart and focus belonged to God.

As final preparations are made let’s ask God what He would like for Christmas. Include these things on your calendar and “to do” list. Talk with your family and friends and decide ways you can prepare a place for Christ this week.

Some suggestions:

v  Keep a manger in front of your tree to draw focus on Christ rather than the gifts.

v  Set up a Nativity scene. Have family members read from the Bible, or tell what they know about each piece.

v  Encourage children to take a break from the words, “I want…” and think about ways to serve others.

v  Participate in church activities. Check your local paper for events such as a live nativity scene and Christ-centered Christmas programs.

v  Share baked goods with those less fortunate. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Sing Christmas carols.

v  Buy gifts for those in need. Try including a gift that shares the good news and hope of Jesus Christ.

v  Invite someone, who does not have a family, over for a meal.

v  Include the real meaning of Christmas in your outdoor decorations for others to see.

v  Donate to a charity that spreads the gospel such as Samaritan’s Purse and Compassion International.

v  Carve out time each night for a special family devotion. There are many great Christmas devotion books to choose from or you can read from the Bible.

 

God loved us so much he sent Jesus. He came to make a way for us to live forever. He is preparing a place for us when we leave this earth. Until then, shouldn’t we prepare a place for him here?

 

“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.”  John 14:3

 

What about you? How are you keeping Jesus in your Christmas preparations, in your life, and in your heart?