LOVED BABY Book Review and Giveaway

by Sally Matheny

LOVED BABY  written by Sarah Philpott

Do you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage or infant death? Are you at a loss of how to comfort them? Perhaps you’ve experienced a loss and someone’s words of “comfort” were hurtful.

Everyone reacts differently when they hear the news.

I felt great when I went for my twelve-week pregnancy check-up. Surprised that the doctor wanted to do an ultrasound, I wished I had asked my husband or someone to come enjoy it with me.

On the ultrasound, I saw the profile of our baby’s sweet face. His elbow was bent with his hand up. Five perfectly shaped fingers extended as if to say, “hi.”

Or “bye.”

His body was still. His heart, silent. Our beloved baby had been welcomed into heaven.

And I was ushered into the first stage of grief. In the coming weeks, I experienced something I had never fully understood. My perception of what women go through after a miscarriage changed drastically.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. One in four American women experiences pregnancy loss. Just as all mothers’ birthing stories are unique, so are the journeys of those who experience pregnancy and infant loss.

Sarah Philpott has penned a new book, Loved Baby, which addresses nearly every aspect of this journey. She’s not a medical doctor, but she’s used the research skills, gained while earning her doctorate in education, to enlighten readers about the various facets of pregnancy and infant loss. She expresses empathy by sharing her own story of two miscarriages. She offers encouragement by sharing her heart for Jesus.

Brief comments from other women who’ve experienced loss are sprinkled throughout the book as well. Readers may not identify with all the emotions presented, but they’ll come away with a greater understanding of just how varied responses to grief can be.

This book confirms that when dealing with pregnancy loss, there is no one-consolation-fits-all. There is no pat answer that will comfort every person in every situation. Everyone grieves and heals differently.

LOVED BABY book and bracelet bundle

Many mothers choose to heal through a special remembrance of their little one. Some plant trees, some start a charity, and some release balloons on the due date. Another way to remember their loved babies is to wear a special piece of jewelry. 

Fashion and Compassion, a company that gives a portion of their sales to various causes, is offering a special, "loved" baby bracelet with the Loved Baby book through the month of October. I don’t make any money off of this promotion. I’m just sharing the info with you in case you’re interested.

Loved Baby is a hardcover book containing thirty-one “devotions.” Some have one Bible verse while others include several scriptures. At the end of every chapter is a short prayer such as,

Lord, I pray for peace to fill my soul, for I know my child is in heaven. Amen.

Also, at the end of each chapter is something called “Soul Work.” Here, usually, one or two suggestions are given for the reader. A few examples of these are:

Do you have answers to your loss? Do you have further questions? Write them down. Schedule a time to speak with your healthcare provider or conduct a preliminary research from reputable sites.       (Soul Work for devotion #7)

Write down every hurtful comment on a single sheet of paper. Get a marker and mark them out. Then throw out the paper.

Now, write down every single thing someone did that showed kindness. It might be something as simple as a hug or a sympathetic glance. Meditate on these acts of love. (Soul Work for devotion #12)

Some “Soul Work” sections suggest getting into God’s Word.

        Reread Job 3:11-19. Underline all the words that describe heaven.

It can be helpful to visualize your child in heaven. Who is there with your child? Write a letter to them asking them to watch over your little one. (Soul Work for devotion #14)

What I gather from these “Soul Work” sections, and from the rest of the book as well, is that Philpott wishes to meet women wherever they are in their spiritual walk.

The initial chapters deal with anger, hurt, and confusion after a miscarriage. A large portion of the devotions is more informational than meditational. 

Some topics addressed are: dealing with emotions and changes in the body, communicating with family members and with medical providers. How to deal with social media, Mother’s Day, and receiving promotional mail for baby products, plus a multitude of other topics readers may not have considered. Philpott covers it all.

However, as the book progresses, I notice an increasing emphasis on trusting and building a relationship with Jesus Christ. The book ends with a call to accept the saving grace of Jesus.

I think Loved Baby would be a good book to give to someone who is struggling after a miscarriage. I think it would especially appeal to those who are new to the Christian faith or to those who may not know of the comfort, hope, and joy that only Christ can give them.

A Mama's Work is Never Done--Or is It?

by Sally Matheny

A Mother's Work is Never Done--Or is It?

Has your child ever called you an insulting name? One Saturday morning, after eliciting my eleven-year-old’s help with cleaning, he spewed the words, “You’re a Danny Tanner!” 

For those of you not familiar with the family television show, Full House, Danny Tanner is the parent obsessive with cleaning.

At first, I was insulted. I am not obsessed with cleaning. Danny Tanner uses a Dust Buster to clean his vacuum cleaner! He doesn’t allow anything out of its place. I vacuum once a week, and if we’re lucky, we may get the main pieces of furniture dusted. Also, I’m a stacker. I have little stacks of mail, magazines, and numerous slips of paper filled with writing ideas all throughout the house. Danny Tanner would go spastic in my house.

It only took a few minutes of comparing myself to Danny Tanner that I found the whole thing hilarious. I can overlook a messy house for almost five whole days before it begins to annoy me. And I prefer to do a multitude of other things instead of cleaning! But I feel responsible for maintaining a peaceful haven for my family. And let’s face it. An unorganized, messy home does not induce an atmosphere of serenity. Even my little name-caller will admit he likes the house better after all the work is done. I do, too. And so, for the next five to six days, we enjoy ourselves—before it’s time to clean again.

However, relaxing and having fun appear to come more easily for my husband and children. Seems like I have to be more thoughtful and intentional to stop doing whatever I think is "necessary" in order to join in the fun.

It’s a fact, a mother's work is never done. Truly. Never.

Life Lessons From Imperfect Mothers

by Sally Matheny

 A perfect mother has never existed.

Nonetheless, God has the ability to use mothers, through their strengths and their weaknesses. There are valuable life lessons to learn, if we are willing.

Take Eve, for example. She was the first woman and the first mother. There are pros and cons to that. She didn’t have anyone to compare herself to, but also she didn’t have a mother or a mother-in-law she could call on for help or advice.

Eve gave birth without the help of a doctor or even a mid-wife. Can you imagine what the very first birth must have been like?

Raising Jesus & Parenting a Christian Child Today: Not for the Fainthearted

by Sally Matheny

     Were Mary’s days filled with bliss parenting the perfect Child? Most likely, there were some difficult days raising Jesus. I wonder…

     As a child, did Jesus encounter teasing from other children because he always chose to do the right thing? Did Mary shed quiet tears at night as she mended her little boy’s robe, torn by an angry child earlier that day?

     Did she ever overhear a neighbor wrongly accuse her son? Wanting desperately to run over and defend him, did she sense God calling her to be still? And so, she stopped and she waited. She witnessed how Jesus handled the situation. Why is he allowing our neighbor to insult him so?  

     The mother wanted to lash back at her neighbor. Her son turned the other cheek.

     Were Jesus’ siblings jealous or irritated that he never disobeyed, never lied, and never needed parental discipline? Did Mary have to be ever mindful of how she spoke and treated Jesus in front of the other children, for fear of showing favoritism? 

     Yes, while raising Jesus had to be a wonderous experience, surely some days were difficult.

     Perhaps, during those childhood days, God was somehow preparing Mary’s heart for Jesus’ last days.

     Even with her faithful trust in God’s sovereignty, an unimaginable pain had to sear throughout her body as she heard the nails piercing her son’s flesh to a cross. Only God could uphold Mary as she watched them lift the cross and raise her Jesus.

    

Today, motherhood is still not an easy task. Tough days lie ahead even for the mother of a Christian child.

     There are times when moms watch their children endure some form of mistreatment because of their faith. Some taunted for choosing to do the right thing, for their obedience to the Lord. Others are excluded, even bullied due to their faith. Parents pray for guidance of when to counsel, when to intervene, and when to be still and wait.    

     Mothers trust God’s sovereignty as their Christian children choose to be salt and light on a secular college campus or when they enlist in the military. Only God’s power sustains mothers as their children surrender to the call of ministry—possibly requiring them to move across the nation, or the other side of the world.    

      Are you in the midst of raising a young child, teaching him the ways of the Lord? Is he learning love and respect in his daily experiences? Is he surrounded by the Truth, especially during these early, tender years of learning?

     Are you pressing through the years with a teen? Teaching her how to show grace and compassion; encouraging her to be ready to share why she believes what she does. Is she seeking godly counsel as she learns how to stand firm in her faith, even if it means standing out? 

    Is your Christian child an adult seeking God’s call in his life? Are you covering him in prayer; supporting him in seeking God’s will and no one else’s?     Mothering is not for the faint-hearted. Living in a sinful world brings challenges and heartaches to all.

     However, along with the gift of parenting a Christian is an inexpressible joy and strength, even in the midst of trials. One cannot fully understand this unless the parent shares the same devotion to Jesus Christ. For with Christ, all things are possible. Life has purpose, and the rewards are eternal.

     Lord, help us reflect Jesus as we raise our children.

Mother’s Day Gifts: Beauty is in the Eye of the Gift-Giver

by Sally Matheny

Best Mother's Day Gift Ever

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and to all those who mentor others with a mothering kind of love. 

I hope you are honored in some way today. Perhaps with a card or an extra special hug. 

Maybe you'll receive a gift. If little ones come bearing gifts, then I’m sure you’re well aware that beauty is in the eye of the gift-giver.

When I was four years old, my daddy took me to the store to pick out a gift for my mama. Never before had I been able to choose a present all by myself. I walked up and down the aisles, determined to discover the best gift ever.

My older sister was a thoughtful kind of kid—well behaved, smart, and orderly. She soon chose a pair of soft, bedroom slippers to give Mama.

I, on the other hand, was a rambunctious, tangled-hair, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of kid. I had no idea what to get, but it had to be something fun, and colorful—something WONDERFUL! 

Several things caught my eye, but I kept going back to a ceramic bank. Perched on top of a horse was a Napoleon-looking soldier. The whole thing had a cartoonish look to it but my favorite thing was the hot pink in the uniform he was wearing.

I just knew my mother would love this bank. Daddy gently asked if I was sure that was what I wanted to give her. He even made a few other gift suggestions. Excitedly, I assured him the bank was the perfect gift.

On Mother’s Day, my mother opened my sister’s gift. Of course, she was delighted with the bedroom slippers. She said they were just what she needed and gave my sister a hug.

Then, she opened my gift. Did she like it?

You should have seen her eyes light up! Her smile told me she loved it as much as I did. I was thrilled I had found such an awesome gift.

Now, as an adult, my perception of the bank varies greatly from my four-year-old viewpoint.

My mother isn’t a pack-rat so I’m not sure why she has kept that bank for over forty years. Perhaps it's because of its unusualness.

My mother and sister

As a child, I liked that she held onto my gift over the years. 

As an adult, I treasure that little bank for other reasons. It reminds me of the tender, unconditional love my mother has always given me. That quirky, little bank captures the essence of her unwavering encouragement over the years.

Now, that I have kids of my own, I’ve received some “interesting” gifts as well.

However, the gifts are not near as precious as the children.

Their beauty is forever in the eye of a mother.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama. I love you. Thanks for loving me.